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Train to Become a D.H.S Public Relations Officer!

D.H.S PR Officer Dress Code

Script for Conducting Your Own Roundup!

Handy list of Subversive organizations

Top 10 Things You Can Do to Make America More Secure

Totalitarian Information Awareness Program

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for security reasons, the list has been reduced to:


(click here to download a printable PDF version of the brochure)

1.  Follow Instructions

Remain courteous and quiet when you are in the presence of government officials. Do not object or resist if:

- You or those you know are stopped, questioned, , registered, rounded up, or detained by Federal agents, particularly if you are an immigrant.

- Your e-mail, internet use, library, bank, credit-card and shopping activity are monitored by the US Government  as part of the "Total Information Awareness Program."

- You are subjected to special surveillance, refused flights at airports, or have your home searched by Government agents because you have used your civil rights our spoken out..

2.  Support the War for Peace

As you go about your peaceful daily lives, your government in your name is at war with invisible enemies who have unimaginable power and skill to attack us at any time. These implacable enemies are intimidated by the mass flying of flags and are known to cower in the face of yellow ribbons, so do your part! The last time the stock market fell for three consecutive years was 1939-40-41, three miserable years that were finally reversed when the Japanese attacked and we had an undisputable reason to enter World War II. This time the market has tanked and we need a new war to save business from itself. Thanks to 9/11 we have it.

Beware of subversive rhetoric denying that war is peace. It unifies our people in a common cause and rescues insolvent, speculative capital from the abyss of  bankruptcy. The military-industrial complex has made America great, and we owe it our lives, literally!

3.  Support American Oil Interests

Oil is life, and don't you forget it! Without oil you would sit at home in the dark-no TV, no prepared foods, hungry and bored. The oil industry gives us the chemicals we drink and the particulates we breathe. It is the lifeblood of the corporate globalized economy that keeps us racing to the bottom, while profit flows up. Our health industry, a vital source of employment, would lose half its jobs were it not for the steady supply of illness and injury that oil makes possible. We must gain complete control of the world's oil supplies, and defend the energy companies that make our way of life possible. Anything less is un-American!

4. Work Harder and Shop More

America is the best of all possible worlds. Each of us is completely free to take any job we want and to buy anything we want. There are no consequences for Americans, we answer to no one. If we want something, we buy it, no questions asked. If our managers tell us to do something at work, we do it with a smile, because our company knows best. If they didn't, would they be making money? And if we didn't, would we still have a job?

We've worked hard for our hulking SUVs, monster homes, pesticide-based industrial agriculture and electronic gadgets. Anyone who questions any of this is just jealous, and probably trying to steal it from us. It's ours and we'll fight like to hell to keep it!

5. Remember, There is No Alternative

The practical living alternatives advocated and practiced by local communities and grassroots social movements across the globe are simply enemy propaganda.
There is no alternative to global corporate capitalism! Beware of rhetoric denouncing corporate and religious fundamentalism, what social justice activists have the nerve to characterize as "two anti-democratic systems that need each other to justify their power, terror and misery."

Remain vigilant! Be proud! Ignore your imagination, ignore your desires, and report any unseemly activity to the Homeland Security Office nearest you!

Do Not Dissent

So called “social justice” advocates may attempt to spread the following dangerous ideas. Do not attempt to spread or promote dangerous political agendas such as:

- Direct Democracy: We can make the decisions ourselves about the things that matter in our lives, our neighborhoods, at work and in the world.  Get involved in directly democratic local community and social change groups.

- Direct Action: Taking action to assert our right to be involved in the things that matter. This tradition is an essential part of every effective movement to make things better: sit-ins, occupations, strikes, walkouts, blockades, etc.

- Solidarity: We the people-- all over the world-- have more in common with each other that with politicians and corporations and systems that keep us down and divided. 

- Affinity groups: a small (5-15) group of friends, neighbors, coworkers or schoolmates who takes action in their community: education, street theater, public events, talking to others in your community, taking direct action…

Do not attempt to join or associate with groups that promote a subversive agenda of so-called “civil liberties”, “peace”, “energy independence”, “anti-capitalism”, or “alternative lifestyles.” A list of some groups to avoid can be found on this website, but you can help by finding more on your own and reporting them to your neighbors immediately.

HSD quote image

"... History has called our empire into action. History has placed a great challenge before us: Will America -- with our unique position and power -- blink in the face of history, or will we lead to a freer, more civilized world? There's only one answer: This great empire will lead the world to safety, security, peace and freedom. May God bless America."

                       -President George w. Bush

"Terrorism must be decontextualized"

                          -Richard Perle?


The Homeland Security Advisory System is a means to dissimulate information regarding the risk of terrorist acts by federal, state, and local authorities against the American people.

Oblivious = Green

Prozak-ed = Blue

Elevated = Yellow

Paranoid = Orange

Terrified = Red

threat level

legally of course, this site is a spoof.  Any similarity to the official Department of Defense and White House sites is purely a matter of humorous coincidence